A redneck's father passed away in his sleep
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" ask
Alright so this guy is in a bar and he sees a reasonably pretty girl. He says, "If I were to give you a million dollars right now, would you have sex with me?"
She thinks about it for a moment, then
I hate the double standards between men and women. When a woman goes out and sleeps around with a bunch of guys she is considered a slut, but when a guy does it, he is considered a homosexual.
3 guys walk into a bar
The first guy says "I have got the smallest arm in? the world"
The second guy "I have the smallest head in the world"
The third guy "I have got the smallest d*ck in the worl
A man stomps into a bar and growls at the bartender, "Gimme a beer", takes a slug, and shouts out, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar retorts, "You take that back!"
A police officer set DUI point in front of bar. At closing time, he saw a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the f
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that.
Yo mama is like a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.

Yo mama is like a chicken coop, cocks fly in and out all day.

Yo mama has so many teeth missing, that it looks like her tongue is in jail.

Yo mama's mouth is so big that she speaks in surround sound.

Yo mama is so grouchy that the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.

You suck... yo mama does too, but she
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"
Did you hear the one about the dessert that kept trying to jump off the table? It was a lemming meringue pie!

What goes tick tick woof woof? A watchdog.

What do you call a sheep without any legs? A cloud!

What do you call a Skoda on the top of a hill? A miracle!

What do you call a Skoda with two exhausts? A wheelbarrow!

How do you double the value of a Skoda? Fill it with petrol!

An african ambassador visited Russia and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the last day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it's time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. On