A Small Fly
A small fly asks his mother,
“Mom, can I go to the circus?”
Classic Jokes
Best Classic Jokes on the internet. An ever-growing collection of extremely funny jokes.
Three Mice
Three mice were sitting and talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot of rum and says,
“I play with mouse traps for fun. I run into it and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and start working out my musculs.”
A Dark Humor
The nurse hands a man his newborn and says, “I’m sorry, but your wife didn’t make it.”
He responds, “Well give me the one my wife made.”
An Avid Golfer
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.
One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
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Taste The Food
A woman called the waiter to taste the soup that was served to her.
The waiter spoke frightened,
“Ma’am, we are not allowed to taste the food.”
The Poor Elephant
There was a guy who bought an elderly circus elephant. As he couldn’t afford to feed it, he started a contest. He had never seen an elephant jump with all 4 feet off the ground. Entry for the contest was 10 dollars, and the first person to get the elephant to jump with all 4 feet off the ground would get 50,000 dollars.
Cold Water
A young man went to his grandfather’s place to stay for the weekend. He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were not so clean. He asked his grandfather,
“Are you sure you washed it properly?”
A Suspicious Politician
A politician was dating a film actress for a few months. He finally decided to marry. But being suspicious, he hired a private detective to look into her antecedents and find out if she had any previous affairs with men.
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In A Jungle Restaurant
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu
Tourist: $5 Broiled Missionary $15.00;
Have You Ever Seen
A man decided to paint the toilet seat while his wife is away.
That day the wife came home sooner than expected. She went to the toilet, sat, and got the seat stuck to her back part. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put on a large overcoat to cover the stuck seat and they went.
A Programmer’s Wish
A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a magic lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears.
“I am the most powerful genie in the world. I grant you a wish, tell me what you want.”
Types Of Bras
A man walked into the ladies department of a store, walked up to the woman behind the counter, and said,
“I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.”
Think Of
A man is going to jump off the building. A good cop rushes up to talk him not to do that. Cop yells up to the man,
“Don’t jump! Think of your mother!”
Going To Be A Politician
A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.
“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a dollar, a bottle of whiskey, and the Bible on the table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”
The Electric Chair
Three Californians go down to Mexico one night, get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes, but none of them can remember what they have done.
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Surgeons
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients operate on. The first surgeon says,
“I like to see accountants on my operating table – everything inside is numbered,”
