Two Italian men get on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men s
* you drink beer from a longneck bottle because your doctor told you to distance yourself from alcohol.
* You swear well
* you think St. Patrick's Day is THE major holiday of the year.
* you belie
* When after every sentence you say ... Iyaaahh!
* You too believe traffic lanes, stop signs and one way streets are mere suggestions and that sidewalks were meant to drive on or they wouldn't have
* You get most of your news from TF1, even if you live in America.

* Offer red wine to a ten-year old, and they would prefer white, thank you.

* Calling somebody by his/her name implies that you know him/her pretty well.

* You feel that your kind of people aren't being listened to enough in the government and the National Assembly

* realize that a street being marked as one-way should not sto
* You point with your lips.

* Your mom or sister is a nurse.

* If you go to party, you're an hour late and there's still nobody there!

* You eat using your hands and have it down to technique.

* You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."

* Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.

* You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.

* You think that eating chocolate rice pud
* You think you are the king of gambler but lose all your money like the other ones.

* You call all white people Frenchmen

* You gamble with no strategy in the casino like a chick with no head

* People think you're Paki or Indu

* You wonder why all other Asian ethnicity hate you

* You go to the temple because you think you'll meet good girls there but most of the girl
* You can't go more that five days without rice.

* You don't have matching bedding.

* You don't have matching dishes.

* You don't have matching hangers in your closet.

* At least one person in your family owns or knows how to use a sewing machine.

* You never really bought a calendar in your life; you always got the free ones with movies stars or nature scenes from grocery stores.

* You've
* You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping next year.

* Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.

* You have a piano in your living room.

* You live with your parents and you are 30 years old.

* You always cook too much.

* You never discuss your love life with your parents.

* Your parents are never happy with your grades.

* You save your old Coke bo
* You know how baseball, basketball, and American football are played. If you're male, you can argue intricate points about their rules.

* You learned to memorize the fifty states with a song.

* You count yourself fortunate if you get three weeks of vacation a year.

* You think that Beethoven is a cute St. Bernard dog

* You drive around looking for the closest parking space at the gym.

* You
* (For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable

* (For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm

* You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go

* When you were little you always wondered why your American friends waited until after breakfast to brush their teet
* You know the meaning of the word "girt".

* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

* You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

* You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

* You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

* When you hear that an Amer
* Your car costs more than your college education

* Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking or not

* Any outfit you wear involves leather (even in the summer even when no coats are worn)

* Things you can't live without include food, water, and a cell phone

* Instead of notes during class you write text messages to your friends in Russian font

* You co
Jewish and Chinese Pilots.



A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain.



His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.



Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'



'N
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"



The survey was a huge failure...



In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't
1. Only in America.....can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheesebur
The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was stupid?"