- Dad, why do turtles walk so slow?
- Because they live 500 years and still have time to all.
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

Adam: Because George still had the axe in his hand...
Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?

A. A Christmas Quacker.



Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?

A. Santa Pause!



Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?

A. In a snow bank.



Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?

A. Because of all the wrapping!
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

So he can ho-ho-ho.
Teacher: Mike, go to the map and find South America.

Mike: Here it is!

Teacher: Correct.

Teacher: Now, class, who discovered America?

Class: Mike!
Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A: A neck-tarine!

Q: What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

A: Boo-berries
Q: What’s a tailor’s favorite kind of vegetable?

A: A string bean!



Q: What kind of vegetable is jealous?

A: A green bean!



Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Bean

Bean who?

Bean a while since I last saw ya!
What is the first thing a king or queen does when they come to the throne?

They sit down!



When does a prince get very wet?

When he becomes the reigning monarch!



When is a piece of wood like a king?

When it's a ruler!



Where do kings and queens get crowned?

On the head!



Which king felt a fraction of his former self?

Henry 1/8th!
Q: How does a ghost eat an apple?

A: By goblin it!
Q: When is an apple a grouch?

A: When it's a crab apple!



Q: What do you call an apple that plays the trumpet?

A: A tooty fruity!



Q: What did the apple skin say to the apple?

A: I’ve got you covered



Q: Why were the apple and the orange all alone?

A: Because the banana split



Q: What is King Kong's favorite food?

A: Ape-ricots!



Q: What do two bananas do when they meet each other?
Why was 6 afraid of 7?



Because 7, 8, 9

Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery?

A: Quit stalking me!



Q: What did the salad say to the dressing?

A: Lettuce be friends!



Q: What room can be eaten?

A: A mushroom!



Q: Why does Ms. Mushroom go out with Mr. Mushroom?

A: Because he is a fungi (fun guy)!



Q: What do you get when you cross a potato with an onion?

A: A potato with watery eyes!



Q: Why did the man at the orange
Which fish dresses the best?…The Swordfish – It always looks sharp

What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?…Monkfish

What kind of fish will help you hear better?…A herring aid

What do romantic fish sing to each other?…Salmon-chanted evening

What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse?…The Codfather

Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long?…If it were 12 inc
Q: What vegetable might you find in your basement?

A: Cellar-y!



Q: What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?

A: A coconut on vacation



Q: What kind of vegetable is the most likely to be a rock and roll fan?

A: An ear of corn!

Q: What does corn say when it feels embarrassed?

A: "Aw, shucks!"



Q: Why is it not wise to tell secrets in a cornfield?

A: There are too many ears!

Q: Why d
Q: Why did the people dance to the vegetable band?

A: Because it had a good beet



Q: What is green and goes to a summer camp?

A: A Brussels’ scout.



Q: What’s the strongest vegetable?

A: A muscle sprout



Q: Why do cabbages win at races?

A: Because they know how to get a-head!



Q: What is a taxi driver’s favorite kind of vegetable?

A: A Cab-bage!



Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans