"Wow, you look GREAT in the your Thailand trip photos. Girl, tell me, how to become thin and pretty like this? Diet or what?"
"lol,thanks. First, you need a good photographer."
"lolol. Then?"
I am dad : )
The policeman approaches the drivers door.

"Is there a problem, Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to yo
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing
I got this text messageof my dog today
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are thr
Physicist, an engineer, and a statistician out hunting. The physicist calculates the trajectory using ballistic equations, but assumes no air resistance, so his shot falls 5 meters short. The enginee
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petri wine, they retire to their tent for the night.

At about 3 in the morning, Holmes wakes W
I hate the double standards between men and women. When a woman goes out and sleeps around with a bunch of guys she is considered a slut, but when a guy does it, he is considered a homosexual.
An old nun, a cute Swedish girl, an American guy, and a Frenchman are all in a train car. The train goes into a dark tunnel and all 4 hear a slap. When they emerge, no one says a word but the Frenchm
Boris Spassky was once asked by a reporter, "Which do you prefer: chess or sex?". Spassky replied "It very much depends on the position".
While talking to girl

"Hey, I heard an interesting statistics the other day. They said that 80% of women satisfy their self in the shower. Do you know what the other 20% do?"

"No, what?"

If you were wandering how to get started
When you know you are watched!