Best Naughty Jokes on the internet. An ever-growing collection of extremely funny jokes.
A man is lying in bed with his wife when suddenly someone yells from outside: “Look, he’s fucking your wife!”
He quickly turns around in bed only to see her sleeping by his side, and really deep at it. He chooses to ignore it and goes on to sleep. Just as he was taking asleep, the same voice yells again: “Look, he’s really fucking your wife!”
A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.” The small guy faints.
A man is walking in the street and sees a woman with the most beautiful breasts he’d ever seen.
He walks up to her and asks: “If I give you 10.000 dollars, will you let me bite your boob?”
The woman, quite shocked, obviously says no.
My wife left for work this morning, and almost immediately I got a call from my next-door neighbor telling me to come around quickly as she needed my help.
So, I knock on her door, and she opens the door in a robe and immediately drags me into the living room. She then drops the robe to reveal she is completely naked. As my mouth hangs open she says: “Everything you can see between my legs is yours”
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
What are you doing?” she exclaimed.
Two virgins get married and go on their honeymoon.
Unfortunately, neither of them knows what to do so they call the groom’s mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit together on the bed, kiss and snuggle, and things should happen from there.
A couple goes to a sex therapist.
The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.
So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”
A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house.
She asks her husband, “Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? “, the husband says “Do I look like a plumber?”
A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”
A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says “I bet $100 that no one here has a musical instrument that my octopus can’t play.”
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old lute.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing Toss a Coin To Your Witcher. The octopus’s owner pockets the $100.
This wealthy couple is employing a housemaid. She decides to ask for a raise.
She goes to the lady and asks: “Ma’am, I’d like a raise.”
A married man went to church to confess
“Father, forgive me for I have almost had sex with another woman,” he said
A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”
“Of course child. What may I do for you?”
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