Lie detecting robot
A man buys a lie-detecting robot that slaps people every time they tell a lie…
Dad: What were you watching?
Son: Kung-Fu Panda
*robot slaps son*
You look cool, no you look cool
Cool picture
Numbers
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
…
Funny Animals
Super funny animals
Jokes to your email!
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Успокоительные пилюли
– Вашему мужу нужен абсолютный покой.
Я выпишу успокоительные пилюли.
– И когда надо будет их ему давать?
– Никогда! Пейте их сами!
Как справиться с трудностями?
Если не обращать внимания на трудности, они обидятся и уйдут.
Чихнул!
– Что с тобой такое произошло?
– Избили.
– За что?
– За то, что чихнул!
– Как? Всего лишь чихнул?!
– Ага, чихнул. В шкафу.
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Chameleon – When you will never find your socks on the carpet
When you will never find your socks on the carpet
A little girl asks her father: “Daddy, what is corruption?”
— Go bring me a beer and I’ll tell you.
— But mommy said you should stop drinking!
— Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.
— Oh, okay!
Brooklyn Bridge
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink,and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge,and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.
Sure enough,he jumped,so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said…
Don’t be too smart
A man with 4 children heard an announcement on the radio that the Government would give all families with 5 children a welfare allowance of $50,000 per month to support the family.
Fearing he was about to lose out on a financial windfall, the man called his wife and sheepishly said “Honey, I must admit, erm… I have a child with my girlfriend so I’m going to bring him to come and live with us
Quelity metters
An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, “How do you feel?” “How would you feel,” the astronaut replied, “if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?”
The bus
A woman’s closet door what making a terrible sounds whenever a bus was crossing the street outside
So she called a carpenter to check it out…
MacBook cleanup
Who let the dog out?
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Veg Jokes
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine!