A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”
What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? ‘It’s ok Daddy, I’m not hurt.’
“Wow, you look GREAT in the your Thailand trip photos. Girl, tell me, how to become thin and pretty like this? Diet or what?”
“lol,thanks. First, you need a good photographer.”
“lolol. Then?”
“Th
Боксер сдает кровь.
Медсестра, завязывая жгут:
– Так, работаем кулачком!
– По корпусу или в челюсть?
В сапожной мастерской.
-Мне обещали к сегодняшнему дню отремонтировать ботинки.
-Можете получить. Платите двести.
-Так мало? В квитанции написано, что ремонт стоит четыреста.
-Все правильно. Просто один ваш ботинок мы потеряли.
I asked him “Why are you eating grass?”
He said “I am very hungry”
I replied “Oh, okay then. Come with me.”
You should’ve seen his face when I showed him my backyard.
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: “You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window.” The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The 2nd Man says: “What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen.”…
‘Competitive Salary’ We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.
‘Join our fast-paced company’ We have no time to train you.
‘Casual work atmosphere’ We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
‘Some overtime required’ Some every night and some every weekend.
‘Duties will vary’ Anyone in the office can bo
Q: Why did the people dance to the vegetable band?
A: Because it had a good beet
Q: What is green and goes to a summer camp?
A: ….
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