A man is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass. He stops and asks,

“Hey! Why are you eating grass?”

I had a granny that we couldn’t decide whether to bury or cremate

In the end, we decided to just let her live.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

This morning I accidentally made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water.

I was already halfway to my office when I noticed I forgot my car at home.

Yesterday a Python data scientist get arrested at customs.

She was caught trying to import pandas!

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement.

In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.

Question: Why are modern programming languages so materialistic?

Answer: Because they are object-oriented.

“Mom, what’s dark humor?”

“Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand”

Q: Why did the functional programmer get thrown out of school?

A: Because he refused to take classes.

“Hey honey, am I the only one you’ve been with?

The wife replied, “Yes, the others were at least fives or nines.”

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.

A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.

My granddad used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”

Lovely man. Terrible cabinet maker.